Given up on giving up

Well it’s official. I have given up on quitting smoking and am smoking again. I was doing quite well apart from a couple of hiccups but due to the fact that my stress levels were spiraling out of control and nothing else was working at all for controling them, I’ve given in and am smoking again. Maybe it just wasn’t the right time with other things that are going on at the moment (I can’t talk about them though as I am bound by NDA’s for then all) but I will try again in a few months. I really do want to kick the habit. I hate smoking, but it is about the only thing that does help with keeping my stress levels at manageable levels. I’m disappointed in myself but I know that I will be able to give up eventually - it is just all about timing really and the timing was wrong this attempt.

Tags: disappointed, given up, smoking, stopping smoking, stress

Trying again

Ok so I failed and messed up and ended up buying a pack of smokes. It isn’t something that I’m proud of.

But I’m picking myself back up, brushing myself off, and trying again. I can’t let one screw up mean that I am a complete failure.

Tags: stopping smoking

I failed

I’ve given in and had a smoke. I was doing well, but the stress of some things that are going on have got to me and out came the emergency baccy supply. I feel bad about it as I feel like I’ve let people down that believed in me and believed that I can kick the habit. I was doing so well, and now I’m just a failure. I’m back to square one again now, which sucks, but I don’t know whether or not I should keep trying and get back on the wagon again, or whether I should just say ‘Oh Stuff It!’ and keep smoking.

Tags: annoyed, failure, stopping smoking, stupid

Still going strong

Up to 51.5 hours now since my last smoke. I didn’t think I would make it this long, so really happy with my progress despite the fact that it is really hard work!

I really think that if I can get to 72 hours then it should start getting a lot easier, but that isn’t far away now really so fingers crossed.

Its funny though, I’m already missing smokes with certain things. Like hanging out clothes on the washing line was always accompanied by a smoke. So was making drinks - thats the worst one as every time I put the kettle or the coffee pot on I would have a drink while waiting for it. The big test though is going to be distance driving. I’ve drove into town with a smoke, but thats only a 5-10 min drive and not one that I always had a smoke doing anyway. It’s the long drives that are going to be very hard as they always have been prime smoking time, after all there are only so many things that you can do while driving a car!

Today is going to be a funny day as well as probably the worst day, so its going to be very interesting to see how it plays out and if I am still as determined by the end of it. I really don’t want to cave in, but you never can tell what is going to happen.

Tags: coffee, cravings, day 3, driving, progress, stopping smoking, struggling, withdrawals

Feeling awful

Just when I thought that I couldn’t possibly feel any worse - I started feeling worse! It’s amazing how much your body complains when you change things. The withdrawals are really kicking in hard now and starting to replace the cravings. I sure know why they say that willpower is totally a requirement and that if you don’t have any willpower that you will fail.

As the day has gone on, I’ve felt worse and worse. Now this isn’t helped by funny schedules for the last few days which have disrupted my sleep pattern. I’ve nearly surrendered a few times but by having to go and buy more smokes I can’t kid myself into thinking that it will just one smoke and no more.

I’m exhausted, got a banging headache, feel like death warmed up. Gonna try and have a nap then I can get back to everything as normal afterwards.

Tags: day 3, headache, shaky, stopping smoking, tired, withdrawals