Gynaecologist

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.

‘Come now,’ coaxed the doctor, you’ve been seeing me for years! There’s nothing you can’t tell me.’

‘This one’s kind of strange…’

‘Let me be the judge of that,’ The doctor replied.

‘Well,’ she said, ‘yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet and when I looked down, the water was full of pennies.’

‘I see..’

‘That afternoon I went to the bathroom again and, plink-plink-plink, there were nickels in the bowl.’

‘That night,’ she went on, ‘I went again, Plink-plink-plink, and there were dimes and this morning there were quarters ! You’ve got to tell me what’s wrong with me!,’ she implored, ‘I’m scared out of my wits!’

The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. ‘There, there, it’s nothing to be scared about.’
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(Ready for this?)

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(I’m warning you…..)

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‘You’re simply going through the change!’

Tags: fun, funny, joke, jokes, women

30 advantages of being a woman

Advantages of being a woman

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend’s clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We’ve never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies … (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we’re gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE’RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It’s possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don’t have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a spot, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we’re stupid, some people will find it cute.
21. We don’t have to memorise Fight club/Rocky to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we’re aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won’t think we’re weird if we ask whether there’s spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We’ll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
30. We have enough sense to realise that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.

Tags: fun, funny, jokes, women

Spanish Computers

A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la casa.’ ‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’

A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer’ should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that ‘computer’ should definitely be of the feminine gender (’la computadora’), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your money on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (’el computador’), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that had you waited a little longer, you could have got a better model.

The women won.

Tags: computer, computers, fun, funny, jokes, men, women

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, ‘ Good morning, Ma ‘ am. What are you doing? ‘

‘ Reading a book, ‘ she replies, (thinking, ‘Isn’t that obvious? ‘)
Read more…

Tags: fun, funny, jokes, women